As I said, this story deserves its own post complete with clever engelsland title.
Said title is a bilingual wordplay on the R.S.A., which is short for the Returned Services Administration. The R.S.A. is New Zealand’s version of the Veterans Administration in the USA or the … whatever similar service they provide for veterans in the Netherlands. The final word is pronounced “ay-ta” and is Dutch for “to eat.” On to the story!
Most New Zealand towns of any reasonable size have a branch of the R.S.A. They have a really flash (upscale) R.S.A. at Waihi Beach. It sits on a hill overlooking the town and the ocean. The post 2 down from this one gives you a sense of what you would see if you eat (eten) at the R.S.A. in Waihi Beach.
We had never eaten (gegeten) at an R.S.A. but a friend advised us to try it. When we arrived, it was packed. As it happened, we had unwittingly chosen to spend the weekend at Waihi Beach with all the finalists of the Surf Lifesaver Clubs national rowing championships. After signing the guest book, we wandered to the bar for some drinks. Casting furtive glances at the happy hordes, we wandered further over to join what appeared to be the line for the restaurant.
The cashier was in a small, low cubicle further in front of us, a cafeteria-style serving area with overarching menu board was to our left, and to our right were tables, a patio/deck, and the fabulous view. Farther beyond the cashier were lots more tables. And of course, lots more happy guests.
We had no idea what to do.
Do we go get our food first? Are the people in line paying their bill? Waiting to be seated? Do we stand in line, oozing confidence that we really did know what was going on? Do we try to sit at a table and see if someone serves us?
In a most uncharacteristic move for a male of our species, I asked the couple in front of us what to do. The young man was, of course, a surf lifesaver competing in the finals tomorrow. They helpfully and cheerfully walked us through the full and proper R.S.A. protocol, which is as follows:
1) scan the menu board
2) mentally make your selections
3) upon reaching the cashier, provide your selections to her/him and pay up
4) take the pager(!) the cashier gives you
5) wander off to find a table of your choice (”Do you have a reservation? No? You’ll have to go to the bar or patio area because we’re booked out.”)
6) wander to an authorized area and select a table
7) stare expectantly and nervously at the pager
‘8) stare some more
9) finish your beer
10) engage in idle chitchat (”Wow, there are a lot people here tonight.” “Yes there are.”)
11) pick up the pager for a first inspection
12) water a bit of 7s rugby
13) pick up the pager for a second, more thorough inspection to determine that it indeed still works. After all, how long does it take to prepare garlic bread starters?
14) contemplate getting another beer
15) JUMP in your seat as the pager suddenly and violently begins vibrating and whistling at you
16) scramble to find the off button
17) realize that you cannot find the off button and mask your embarrassment by emulating all the other paged people and go back to the serving area
18) provide the pager number to the hostess and pick up your garlic bread
19) wander back to your table
20) savor the first taste of your dinner.
Having now achieved full qualifications in R.S.A. protocol, the rest of the evening went pretty well. We returned a second time to the serving area for our main course (2 x fish, steak, pasta) and side dishes. There are no prohibitions on how many/much sides you can have. The only limit is how much you dare load on to your plate. After suitable gorging, we returned a third and final time for desert (2 x apple/blueberry crumble, Mississippi mud cake, ice cream). Lekker!
21) Waddle slowly to the car for the car ride home.
All in all, a fantastic Kiwiana experience. We must pay a visit to our local R.S.A. at some point.
Oh yes, if you hear a bell, please observe a minute’s silence in rememberance for those who served.
Please explain number 12 to me. It’s like you’re speaking another language. The only other language I’m fluent in is toddlerese.
That’s a typo. Should be “watch the 7s rugby.”
7s rugby is 7-on-a-side rugby, as opposed to the usual 15-on-a-side.
Put another way, 7s Rugby is to Rugby (Union) as Arena Football is to Football.
Or perhaps I should say that 7s Rugby is like Rugby (League), but then we’re getting into some very sensitive territory, i.e. Rugby (League) vs. Rugby (Union).